So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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