a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
