So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
