Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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