And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
