My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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