so that wasnt chicken after all
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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