do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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