I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
