Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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