Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
