So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
