You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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