ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
