oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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