Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
