i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
