Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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