Michael Bay diarrhea
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
