his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
