Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
