Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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