I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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