am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Couch. On fire.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
