Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
