4 words: hood of his car
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
is wine microwaveable?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
