planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
