We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What changed your mind?
Being sober
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
