Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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