I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
