Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
