Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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