eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
