Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im holly from the hills drunk
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
