Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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