I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize