so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
