Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
