It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
