$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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