I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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