We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
