Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize