Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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