my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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