Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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