Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
