fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
