More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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