Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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