nut hugger
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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