Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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