The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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