I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
