3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
