3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
