apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
