Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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