Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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