Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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