You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I checked into jail on foursquare
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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