Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
