guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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