I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize