also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
