he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
