Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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