508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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