I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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