could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
