Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
