She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
