I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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