They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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