you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize