her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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