Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
