I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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